hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Someone came in the potted fern
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
