I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
