dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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