Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes