The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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