Your face is a jimmy john
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So much rum. So many feels.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.