i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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