I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
