I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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