she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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