I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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