God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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