just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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