Kiss
Puke
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
