so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
