As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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