Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
