I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
