wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
