Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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