she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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