I accidentally burped into my bong.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
high people should be assigned attendants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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