I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
