Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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