Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my being single is dangerous.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
