He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
