Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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