shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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