smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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