I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
