I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
