I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and she was petting her beer can
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will be naked everywhere
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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