I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
