9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
