Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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