i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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