did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
