He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want her autograph on my taint
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
