So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
