There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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