And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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