I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
