Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
