SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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