First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
