Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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