So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
