shes about as inviting as chlamydia
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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