drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
