Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
