mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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