her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
