there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
