just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
