The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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