why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
