I have demons in me.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
