I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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