Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
