how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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