Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i already hear my dad disowning me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
