it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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