Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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