his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
In America we eat man semen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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