I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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