was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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