yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
