He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Who died my cat blue again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
