I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
