Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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