her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
