barbara walters just said penis...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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