I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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