Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
