don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
