Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
