Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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