he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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