i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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