my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
NoShamevember. You game?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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