Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
