Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
