we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
