Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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