Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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