Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
