i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
