Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
