I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
